Sometimes it don't pay to get out of bed. Well usually it don't pay to get out of bed, but I do it anyways. Today was Monday, the fifth of August. I wish to thank all three of you who wished me happy birthday. I hadn't expected it from anyone. But that was the first, this is the fifth.
Well last week I finally started Physical Therapy. Water Therapy to be exact. Well when I went Friday, I learned that Monday was full and in order to get it then I had to make it earlier in the week. They didn't tell me that earlier or I would have. Anyway that left Monday free, no Doctors appointment, nothing. A good day to catch up on my art and maybe go for a short walk. Am trying to walk even if it hurts. Most of you can't imagine what it is like being confined to the house because of very little movement. I do have decent upper body strength, I though I had decent lower body strength, but am learning that is a myth that have convinced myself of. I guess all this time in pain and not being able to move much without being racked with pain has taken it's toll. But I've had back surgery and that is supposed to eliminate the problem. In fact I was very much incline to agree that it was helping. But things aren't always what they seem. Mind over matter, you might say. But that only goes so far before you realize, Hey this still hurts like hell. But I am trying to be optimistic, I really am, or otherwise I wouldn't be taking water therapy.
I still have my training and very good reflexes, or am I kidding myself on that too. Sunday when my roommate comes home, she brings me a coke from McD's. She is nice in that regards. Sometimes. Well had something on my lap so had her sit it on the end table. I forgot about it until turned, knocking if off the end table. That should have been a catastrophic event. But it wasn't. Actually caught it in mid-flight, not so much as spilling a drop. Actually was very proud of myself. Not the first time, hopefully won't be the last. But am not here to brag on what I did but to tell you of today.
Normally do not go to bed until my body forces me to. Who would welcome the dreams that come, dreams of pain and failure and of course loss. Well Sunday night was no different, so it was close to five am when finally had to give in, after all I could sleep in Monday, since didn't have anything pressing. Roommate would be gone, nothing to wake me up. Sure don't have to worry about her cell phone going off and well, I don't own one. Strangely though I woke up before noon, wide awake and kind of took it as an omen that maybe today would be a good day. Reaching over to my pill case, it was empty, pulling open my night stand drawer, to take a pain pill, the bottle wasn't there. Then remembered took it out in the living room to do my meds but forgot. So ignoring my pain, I put off going out to get them, electing to shower and refresh self first. By the time finished with the shower it took every bit of strength just to get out to my recliner so that could take my pain medications. Most have no Idea what it is like to be so dependent on medications such as am on. Many times will go without because of the hatred I have for the dependence. But it does no good. I will give in. So there I sat, naked, counting out the morning medications, all thirty three tablets. Have to carry a medicine card just to know what am taking when Doctors ask. Shouldn't be that way, but it is. Just want to chuck them all. And believe me, I do try.
Well just let me get on with my beautiful day. Began making plans to go for a short walk, or perhaps weed my roses. Just get out of the house, and not go to a doctor. As soon as the pain medication will kick in, I would go out and fix breakfast. Sometimes eat, sometimes forget to eat. Hunger.... that doesn't bother me. Eating one meal a day, that sounds about right. But today, yea a nice breakfast, maybe this afternoon will cook that steak had purchased for the forth of July. A good day. Yes.... I kept telling myself.
Do you have any idea how a simple little thing such as dropping a little red pain pill can snowball into a major undoing. remember that coke that I caught in mid air Sunday evening. Murphy had plans for it. Very carefully picked up my meds that had counted out and popped them into my mouth, which normally do, but that little pain pill seemed to slip out between my fingers rolling out over my leg onto the floor. What is the chance of that. Sitting naked, with my feet up, it should have rolled down between my legs. Well lets not go there, since it didn't. With a mouth full of pills, quickly release the leaver to lower my legs down. Don't know what had intended to do. For me to lean over to pick it up would have been a small miracle. One who recently had their lower lumbar fused together sure isn't going to be leaning over to pick something that small off the floor. You know that drink that am so proud of rescuing from spilling all over my carpet. Well just like the movie "Final destination" It went off the back of the end table. By the time was able to scoop it up, there was only enough to down the pills that had stuffed in my mouth. Closing my eyes, I screamed bloody murder. Any idea how loud it sounds when somebody screams blood murder?.....................................How about when you don't have a voice. So don't worry, no one heard me, so no one would come rushing to my aid, catching me naked.
There are somethings you don't do if you recently have had surgery, not to mention two within a short span. Besides not bending over, you don't twist, pull or lift. Tell that to that stupid pain pill and that stupid coke, Oh, and that coke, it had the generosity to fall in the corner beside my chair, not in front, and it also had the generosity to spill partly into my bag of Pistachios. Well the only way to clean it is to pull out my chair, get down on my hands and knees and clean it. The first wise crack from one of you guys about being naked and on my hands and knees and you may be sorry. Somehow pulling out the chair seemed to had caused my cane to fall, knocking off the little basket that keep pens and pencils in along with a few usb drives. Some went in the trash, some went into mess on the floor. If hadn't already tried to scream would have done so then, so now what, your cane is on the floor so what do you do. You do the only thing you can you hurt your back picking up your cane and you go out to the panty and get a can of carpet clearner and yank on the paper towels, intending to tear off a couple of sheets, instead half the roll unrolls. You sit the cleaner down on the cabnet, and begin to roll up the paper towels. Well they are on the end of an island that is on wheels, it moves because your angry and then you jar off the can of spray clearner. Upon hitting the floor the nozzle flies off under the kitchen stove. Now you have to figure out how to get down on the floor. You could just fall, but that hurts. Trust me I know.
Well you go back to the dinning room and ease yourself down using a chair. You crawl on all fours back to the kitchen, and start feeling under the stove for that little nozzle. You won't believe what gathers under the stove, finally you find it along with lots of greasy dust balls, and cat squiggles. You reach up onto the counter where your plastic bags are kept, turning over your container of toothpicks which roll across the countertop and partially fall on the floor. Luckily your there and are able to pick them up. You put the greasy dust into the bag along with the ruined toothpicks, and you crawl back to the dinning room, where as when you get ready to put it on the table top you notice a string of greasy stain from where you dragged the bag and it ripped. You crawl back to the kitchen, through the greasy dust, to get paper towels which you left laying on top the island with the can. Oh your going to need the can because you can't reach the water faucet. Oh wait, you just laid the nozzle on the table. but you reach up anyway to get the can and towels and accidently knock off the filet knife, which you want to catch before it hits your cork flooring. Of course you do have good reflexes so you catch it. Well now the can, the towels both on the floor, now you have to go back and get the nozzle, so you crawl on all fours back to the dinning area, reach up, feel around, get the nozzle, lay the knife on the table, crawl back and clean up the mess, and then use the carpet cleaner to clean the grease off your knees and toes. you open the kitchen sink cab and throw the soiled towels in the trash and then go back to the dinning area again, clean the little bit that got on your dragon rug. You hold onto the can, afraid if you put it up on the counter, your going to know off something again. Smart thinking right? Well your back ready to pull yourself up, but you have the can, simple enough, reach up, put it on the table forgetting about the knife. You don't notice it because the filet knife is very sharp but by the time your standing again, your hand is setting in a small pool of blood. Not a bad cut, but if your on blood thinners, you bleed like a stuffed pig.
Your naked, so you can't wrap your dress around it, which I wouldn't do anyways, You can't hold it with your other hand because you need it to hold onto the cane, so you sit down on the kitchen chair to apply pressure. You ever set naked on a wooden chair that sits right under an air conditioning Vent. It is freaking cold on a bare bottom. After a couple of minutes you are able to stop the bleeding, and check, it is superficial and doesn't need stitches, but now you notice the blood seeped into your table cloth. Great, now you have to soak it in cold water to get the blood out before it dries. You go out to the kitchen to fill the sink, and remember that spillage of toothpicks, which some had gone on the floor, but most have falling into the sink itself. You don't keep the stops in the drain, and guess where some of them have gone. No doubt will cause problems later. So anyway you put the tablecloth into soak, then collect your cleaning material and go back into the living room to clean the coke off the carpet, which by this time has had plenty of time to soak in. Some two and a half hours later you have taken care of that little problem of dropping a pain pill on the floor, which by the way, you haven't taken yet. Of course now, you have to shell all of the remaining nuts because of spilling coke into the bag or tossing them. What some people take for granted can be very difficult for others. I didn't write about the rest of the day, because what's the point. You can only mention something so many times before it gets to be meaningless. There are no perfect days, just moments. You know this may sound funny or even a joke, but it's no laughing matter when it happens to you.
While writing this, it dawned on me how fantastically stupid it sounds. So am not going to try to convince you of anything, but just share what I can and if it brings a smile to your face, then good. If it makes you groan and sneer, then good, for you read it. If you pass it by, then good for it wasn't written for you.
I hope your day was better then mine. Oh, I never got outside, nor worked on my art. Tomorrow I go for preop. More needles.